I told you!

Remember when I said, Penny makes loving fun?

Well here's proof.

So I walk outta my kitchen to see this view.

What the...

Is that what I think it is?

Yep.

Cold hot dog on the floor.

Penny's been here.

Uh oh...
Here's been more than just there.

Here too.
Regurgitated hot dog on the chair.

And I guess he got bored chewing it while watching Ellen too.

Remnants on the couch.

It wasn't long before I found the culprit...

blogging.

He acted innocent. But it was only me, Gus and him home this morning and Gus doesn't like the taste of hot dogs.

(Ya like Penny's shiner? He ran into the wall. Not the brightest crayon in the box but definitely the funniest.)

Even though he eats his cold hot dogs and leaves spit pieces strewn throughout the house I can't get mad. He looks too cute when he eats his cereal.

PS...Many of you have emailed me or sent em FB msg's asking about my necklace from the photos on Candace's Photography Blog (which by the way, if you click on her link once again you'll see even MORE precious pictures of my little Gus man...so GO!!).

Okay here's the scoop.

My Lover got me the necklace (I picked it out and told him to buy it for me for after I had the baby and then he forgot and then Amber pushed him to remember and then he finally did).

So anyway.

I got it from The Vintage Pearl (who also has a super cute blog!)

which I first found on NieNie's blog.

Go check it out, she makes some super cute stuff!
Thanks Erin!

Where oh Where has my Jessica gone?

A few of you have invited (or is it called challenged?) me to the blogging month dealio.

WELL

As much as I would love to commit, I cannot.

I'm not going to lie, days are hard around here.

Nights.

Harder.

I usually spend each day looking somewhat close to this...

No, that isn't Halloween makeup I have on. My eyes really ARE that dark due to lack of or ANY sleep at all. Any makeup you may see on my face when you blow this picture up (because let's face it, you know you're gonna blow it up to see and laugh at JUST how nasty and ugly I am...don't lie..."you ain't got to lie Craig!") is yesterday's makeup.

Whatever. That's reality and you know how I roll on my blog...

ALL reality.

ALL the time.

SO yesterday I FINALLY got out to go purchase my camera. I got a spiffy turquoise Canon Powershot. So far I love it. I went the Canon route this time because Coolpix has failed me twice thus far. But maybe it's because every time I get a camera I have one of these creatures grabbing for it to break it.

August is super dreamy still. I don't want him to grow up, but I do because I don't want to live like picture #1 forever. It's a catch 22 really. My last baby, I want to savor every BITE of him for eternity...

BUT

I wanna be done with this no sleep, miss my bed, crying Penny stage.

I thought about putting new post it's on my mirror to encourage me to get through these tough days that would read...

"Things won't be like this forever!"

"This time next year you'll be sleeping full nights."

"Only a few more weeks before you start working on your hot body for life."

But then I think reading them each day,

would make me sad all over again.
I don't wanna be sitting here next year, reading about how I wanted to rush through little Gus' life and then be missing him as a brand new lovie.

I GUESS Penny is doing better.

With the weather so nice I've been leaving the back door open for him to play on the screened porch and he loves it. It takes SOME of the whining away or at least mutes it (when I shut the door on him). No just kidding. But for real...I do. No. Kidding.

He's really the only thing right now that can seriously make me go into a hysterical laugh out loud laugh. (That and when My Lover does the mentally challenged wanna-be where he talks about the rainbow.)

I guess I can handle missing Gus being a tiny guy if he grows up and acts anything like my funny man Penny.

Penny makes loving fun.

Hmm...

Maybe that should be my bathroom post it note.

I smell like vomit. I gotta go.

Avent Bottles

Useful Information:

I bought about 16-20 of these bottles before I had Isaak and they've done us good over the past year. A little leaky around the nipple at times, but nothing TOO bad. I recently bought about 6 more before August arrived and they are the new honey colored BPA free Avent bottles. Ever since I started using them I've been cussing Avent's name because they leak,

ALLLLL THHHE TIIIME.

It's seriously annoying that I spend $5 for a SINGLE bottle that freakin LEAKS. I finally had enough today when I was trying to do a million other things while feeding Gus so I propped up his bottle with some blankies on the couch and walked away to get the kids out the door for school.

Only to come back to him about 3 minutes later (because he was making all these crazy gurgling noises) to find him literally DROWNING in formula because the stupid bottle was leaking AGAIN.

I decided enough is enough so I called Avent to complain. The lady on the phone was super short with me, kept cutting me off when I asked if they have been having LOTS of complaints about these bottles and then got my information to send me 4 replacement bottles. 4 is their max but once I get the 4, I can mail in all my others with their self addressed labels and get ALL of them replaced.

I'm thankful that Avent is paying attention to this problem and reconciling it BUT I'm annoyed that I spent over $100 in Avent products and I'm not entitled to a polite and courteous customer representative when I call to report a problem. I think that's the least of what I deserve, right?

If YOU'RE having problems with your Avent bottles, call this number to speak to an Avent customer service representative.

1-800-542-8368

or use THIS link to send an email.

I'm sure they'd LOVE to hear from you :)

Junk I wanna remember

1. Some of you have asked if I attempted the ever frustrating and stressful BOOBING again with this baby and my answer to you is...NO NO NO 100% NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. I didn't really question the fact except for like ONE day when I asked my Lover if I should at least pump my colostrum for the baby to have and he said...uhmmm...NO. Not that he isn't supportive of boobing, but he knows the stress that follows it...for ME at least. So when baby August arrived I had on my super tight sports bra which I lived in for the first two weeks. Engorgement was a killer, as usual, but I made it through changing boob pads like a mad woman so I wouldn't be caught walking around with wet circles on my shirt. One girl decided to call it quits after the first week but my left girl kept going strong up until about...oh wait, she still is going. Not bad, but for some reason she feels it necessary to continue supplying milk to a mouth that isn't needing it. She's slowing down, but because of her, I've been wearing one single boob pad to protect myself from her outbreaks. I guess Penny has been keeping close tabs on all my NEW habits since the baby arrived and the other day he found my makeup remover cotton pads, took one out, and slipped it in his shirt...like Mom. I was proud. He walked around all day with that thing in and even napped with it. Very observant, right? Although, wrong side.

2. The boobing issue leads me to my next subject...anti-depressants. Misty and a few others have been asking me how I am and I'm sorry for not answering, but I was planning on typing it all out here so I didn't wanna do it twice. So I started on Zoloft before I had the baby, had bad side effects and Doc told me to get off until after the baby.

In the hospital, he prescribed me Effexor XR which I started taking just a day or two after coming home.

AGAIN, same issues. No headaches but MAJOR MAJOR drowsiness. Like constant yawning and I could barely keep my eyeballs open on TOP of being already post preg tired. It was horrible. I felt like I was becoming MORE depressed because of how tired I was every day. I couldn't do a THING except sit on the couch and sleep.

I finally told myself to get OFF the pills and try it alone.

So I did.

And then, the heavens opened! I'm still tired a LOT of the time but it's normal post preg tiredness. I don't feel like a zombie walking around anymore, I feel like a tired Mom of a newborn which is as "normal" as I should feel right now anyway.

And depression?

Gone.

Personally, I have my own opinions about MY PPD. Others will probably disagree, but I'm speaking for ME and ME only. The two times I had bad PPD were with Jakob and Isaak. Ironically, the only times I tried the whole boobing crap were with...

Jakob and Isaak.

So to me, this says that boobing is the root of my depression. I THOUGHT I'd be depressed with this one, assuming that because I'd been depressed before...and bad too, but I forgot to take into account each individual situation which makes a HUGE difference. Plus I was SUPER depressed at the end of this pregnancy so it seemed to me that for sure I'd be depressed afterwards. Turns out not. For Moms who don't have issues with boobing, you probably don't suffer like us Moms that DO have issues so you will never understand. To ME, I now know what causes my PPD, it's boobing. For others, it may be something else. And I don't care what anyway else has to say about it really. As important as I think boobing is, it's NOT important enough to ME to put myself and my family in a bad situation.

So there's that. I'm drug free and I'm doing FIIIIINE :)

3. Penny just brought me a stick of opened Crisco and as I was cleaning it up, I realized he had been stuffing it in his ear. Lovely.

4. The name AUGUST LYN. Okay here's the story, although it's not all exciting and mystical like i think you guys are hoping it is. We didn't have a CLUE on a boy name...obviously, I mean we've used up HALF the baby boy names on our already boy laden family. We DID know that we loved Scout, we loved old names and we loved that all our kids have at least ONE family name (either first or middle). So we played around for a long time. Samuel? Samuel Scout? Nahhh...then one day I was sitting on the couch with my Lover and my phone. Ahhh, my lovely phone :)

So anyway, I decided to google "baby boy names from the 1800's" and up pops a big long list of about 50 names. I started to read them all off. My Lover listened to each name, staying silent. I didn't think he really cared or was even paying attention, UNTIL I said...

August.

"THAT'S IT!" he shouted! That's the name. August Lowe.

For some reason, it felt right and we both knew that would be his name! Now for the middle. We still loved Scout but it sounded wrong with August so that was out. Plus I really wanted him to have a family middle name since all the kids had a family name. We sat on it for a few days until I was in the car one day driving and it came to me that his middle name should be Lyn, like my middle name. I called My Lover and told him that his name would be August Lyn.

And that was that! It was chosen!

Dena was actually my sweet friend who told me about Gus being a nickname and I LOOOVED it right away! I wasn't big on Augie so Gus seemed perfect :)

5. It's been just over 2 weeks since little Gus was born and I've dropped 23 of my 45 pounds I gained during pregnancy. Most of it being water I'm sure because I'm still peeing allllll the time and throughout the night as well. It sucks. I was hoping that part would be over but I guess if pounds are still falling off, I'm okay with peeing.

I've been walking to the school and back to drop off and pick up Miah each day and I feel great when I do. No heaviness in the nether regions like I usually have. I can't wait to start running again. I tried my Taebo workout today thinking I was totally cool with doing and

WOW

It kicked my butt. Just the basic level AND I couldn't even finish it. I started feeling all faint and dizzy. So instead I ate two swiss rolls. Then I felt good again.

6. I still have NOTHING to wear but I'm not gonna complain because guess what...

I NEVER HAVE TO BE PREGNANT AGAIN!!!!

WOOO HOOOO!!!!

7. I'm buying a camera this week! I've been putting it off for a while because it hurts my brain to think of which one to get. I don't want it to crap out on me again like the last two. But enough is enough, I'm buying it NOW so good blog pictures are in the near future and maybe, just MAYBE...a wanna be. But of who? Ideas?

8. Okay gotta run. Blogger was acting up on me last night and only letting me visit private blogs. The NON privates were taking FOREVER to load for some reason so I'll give it another go round tonight. Look for me on urs!!

Halloweeners '09

First of all, I have to ask...

Where the crap did October go and where was I when it was going??

I'm so sad that it's officially Nov. 1st already.

Oh well. I think it has something to do with that child I spawned and the drugs they gave me afterwards. Speaking of which, I have an upcoming post dedicated to unanswered questions and junk from the past few weeks which will be here...oh tomorrow possibly. If you HAVE any questions you want answered, now's your chance to ask them so the answer will show up soon. If you've already asked, then no need to again. I gotcha covered! *wink*

Okay so Halloween was so fun on base. The night before we went to the school's trunk or treat and that's actually the night the kids dressed up all the way full blown.

Kora decided on a pirate girl which I scrambled to throw together the day OF the party. Thank to my SS, the black duct tape did the trick on an old red shirt of my Lover's turned inside out. Add a few accessories...and VOILA! Pirate GIRL...BAM.

Miah was the only one who got to choose a bought costume. With all the baby momma drama I was brewing in October, I told the kids to get creative with their costumes cause I wasn't buying anything for anyone. Then I back peddled and told Miah I WOULD buy his since I bought the bigger kids' costumes when they were little like him. So he chose Wolverine. Only problem was we bought the costume tooooooo early. SO early, in fact, that he wore it OUT and lost the mask, so he had a Miah head on a Wolverine body.

Now, I'm such a LAME MOM that I didn't even get a picture of Jake fully decked out. He had a football practice the trunk or treat night and then on Halloween I was so scrambling to get everyone ready that pictures blew my mind.

Oh well.

He was a mix of Jason, Michael Jackson, a Skeleton, and yeah. Just a bunch of our costume pieces thrown together. It worked.

And now...for the GRAND FINALE!!!!

Let me introduce to you the most fantastical costume EVER contrived!

NACHOOOOOOOOOO LIBRE!

(Aren't those eyebrows so Jack Black? He's dead on this character.)

At the trunk or treat people were going crazy over this little man. People who didn't even know us were taking his picture. Crazy thing, on Halloween NIGHT, someone saw him and said, "Oh I saw a picture of you from the trunk or treat." WHAT?! Austin said in a few weeks you'll be able to google Nacho Libre and pictures of Penny will pop up. Give it a try.

A little squatting Nacho action. He played this part to a T and thankfully, the weather was PERFECT for him to go topless. It was warm warm warm...even when it got dark!
The costume was super easy for me to make.
I just took some plain white tights and dyed them light blue, red tights and cut the legs off, and then red tube socks and cut holes in them to lace them up with light blue laces. The cape was the leftover leggies I cut from the red tights and the little 'stache....eyeliner :)
Isn't he hot?

On Halloween night we went around with the Kehrs and then met back at our place to dump and trade candies. I am thoroughly disappointed in my kids trading skilz though...where did all the wonka candy go?!?! Nerds? Runts? Laffy Taffy?? Come on kids!!! You know what mom loves. Hook a mutha up!

Great night all in all. We saw lots of friends in the neighborhood and crashed Gia's house party bonfire for some water and good convo. Loved Loved Loved having the Kehrs with us and LOVED having them over afterwards to laugh and chat!

LOOOOVE my little base neighborhood!!

Flashback Friday

So I'm using this flashback to get all caught up on with the pictures I've had on my phone since before the baby and during the weeks I wasn't here to blog.

The night before my induction, Kora and I did our traditional date night one last time before things turned really crazy around the house with the new baby. We had to take advantage of our girl time alone! We got pedi's at our normal nail place (which I won't go to anymore because they file my toenails so thin that they keep breaking, dangit) and she also got a mani! French on both toes and hands...with flowers and diamonds as usual. Just before, we grabbed hot chocolate at Starbucks and sipped it as we got our foot massages...and we chatted about girl stuff!

Afterwards, we went to dinner. Kora has always been dying to go to Hooters to see what all the fuss is about (since her mawmaw works there and all *wink*) but she had told me she didn't want to go there for the first time with her brothers and her Dad because they would DEFINITELY embarrass her. FOR SURE. I agree. So we decided to make Hooters our girl night dinner...no boys allowed!

It was great! I could tell she was nervous at first but she totally warmed up and loved the place! Especially since our server treated Kora like a queen and told her she looked like Dakota Fanning!

We had yummy fried pickles, curly fries and chicken strips!

The kids menu there was so funny. I kept teasing Kora about the "sexy girl" on the menu in the bikini and asked her what color she was gonna do the "sexy girl's" swimsuit.

She finally got tired of me calling her the "sexy girl" and decided to name her...
Madison.
How fitting.

So little Gus arrived the next day and the following week was full of new baby photo ops!!
Dena sent him this precious cowboy outfit which he LOVES...can't you tell by his face?

I still can't get over how yummy he looks when he sleeps all sprawled out with his long leggies and arms up by his face

This is my favorite pose of his. He does this look when he's absolutely, positively READY for bed. His head falls back and that yummy neck just calls my name!

Miah is LOVING his baby brother and always wants to help out when he comes home from school.

Look at those long arms and fingers!!! He totally reminds me of Jake as a baby in SO many ways but I'm not surprised because this pregnancy was totally Jake's all over again. I knew they'd be a lot alike!

I call this one Klyde part TWO.

Valinda was a doll and sent him a BUTTLOAD of precious Texas related onesies so he would always remember his native country regardless of the armpit he was born in.

And being the last child...so close to the 2nd to last child...you kinda just have to learn to go with the flow. When Mom needs to put on her makeup, you just gotta hang out in the sink.

See that sneaky little rat in the background? Let's talk more about how HE'S been coping with the Gus man.

He whines ALLLLLL DAAAAAAAY LOOOOOONG and stands on my feet looking up at me to hold him. It's pretty hard and my back KILLS me most of the time because I end up carrying him around everywhere.

He gets into EVERYTHING.

He did this before, but now it's about 30 times WORSE.

Chocolate syrup...

A pitcher full of pads and a crotch water bottle...

Spitballs stuck to his face...

It wasn't long before we knew that Penny needed another haircut to tame this reckless side that was showing.

Plus a little love from Miss Gia who brought over a basketball hoop for him to play with.

And before we knew it, he was...

Still being naughty.

Oh well, nice try anyway. I'm sure it will take time before Penny gets back to normal.

Or maybe he won't.

Most recently, Gus had his first play date with his best pal Evan who is only 6 weeks older than him! He slept right through the whole thing. Evan isn't much of an entertainer, Gus was totally bored...and Asian, right? Holy moly.

Penny had fun that day though, he got elephantitis.

No but for real.

He's obsessed with sticking objects into his shirt and this time, it just happened to be the perfect object landing in the perfect spot to make us laugh!

Anywho. My little August is a dream. He definitely completes our family and it makes me smile to know that I am DONE with the birthing phase of my life and can start focusing on raising the kiddos ONLY. I love that. Who cares if he barely sleeps at night. Who cares if I have to listen to Penny cry and whine all day. Who cares if my house is a constant mess and I barely have time to brush my tangly stripper hair each day.

I love my big crazy family :)

The E True Hollywood Birth Story

Well here goes. I know you're all anxiously waiting to hear every last detail, right? No but for real. I know this will probably bore most of you but I need it for my own personal account so just pretend to be entertained.

Thanks.

So Friday morning, October 16th, we met up with Candace on our drive out to Wilmington and arrived bright and early at New Hanover Medical Center at about 7:45.

My Lover pranced inside the building all cheerful in his bright orange GBS shirt Valinda made for him. He couldn't WAIT to get that thing on.

Not really.

He was so annoyed about having to wear that thing, you have no idea. He looks like he's having fun with the whole joke, but he's not. Ask Candace...he was super annoyed.

Whatever.

So was I when they gave me that orange card.

Get over it.

He does look mighty cute in it though. Orange works for him.

When I got to my room I met my SAVING GRACE...

Nurse Gail.
She was BEYOND amazing.

Here's the deal,

I read that entire Bradley Method book, cover to cover. I gagged at the pictures I was forced to look at, but I read it. ALL of it. I wanted to be prepared because BEFORE I read it, I doubted myself and this whole "do it natural" plan I had schemed up.

After I read the BULK of the book, I was pumped.

NO, my Lover wouldn't be my coach, he's just not like that. And that's OKAY. I had Candace if I needed someone. I was super psyched that I could handle it...NO PROBLEM.

UNTIL...

I read the back portion of the book.

If you've never read it, lemme sum it up for you quickly.

It lists reasons that you may not be able to follow through with your natural plan.

C-Sections

Medical Emergencies

and then...

INDUCTIONS.

It basically says:

"If you're gonna be induced with pitocin, you gotta be Shi**in yourself if you think you're gonna be able to do this crap naturally. Pitocin jacks with your contractions, it gives you no breaks in between, no breathers, no labor "waves" but more like labor hurricanes.

Soooo, don't even try. Thanks! Bye now."

Needless to say,

I

WAS

DEVASTATED.

All my hopes went down the drain and I wallowed in my misery for days.

UNTIL

I got a call from my Kempy. My sweet Kempylulu :)

She told me something that changed my thinking back to positive.

She said that when she was going to have her natural labor, she talked to her doctor about how she wanted it to go. He told her that she needed to imagine herself 6 months after having the baby and running into a good friend who asked about how the birth went. He told her to imagine herself telling her friend EXACTLY how she wanted to see it go. Every detail. Then he said, I want to make that happen for you and I WILL as long as you let me know what YOU want.

After hearing that I thought to myself,

This is my last birth.

My last pregnancy.

My last chance to experience what labor is REALLY like.

What labor was like for my mom, my grandma, my great grandma and generations long long ago. I knew that if I couldn't say I did it naturally 6 months after this birth, I'd be disappointed in myself for ever. So I decided THEN. I WILL do this naturally. Regardless of my roadblocks, I WILL. I mean...I can't DIE from it.

SOOOOO....

I prayed.

A LOT.

I prayed and prayed for a supportive team to be with me during my labor and delivery. I prayed for good nurses who would want to help see my goals become reality just as much as I wanted them.

And guess what?

My prayers were answered :)

The first thing Nurse Gail asked me when I came in the room was what kind of labor I wanted to have. Pain meds? No pain meds?

I told her everything.

I told her my reasons for why I was doing this.

I told her my fears.

My concerns.

And she says to me...

Well...

I wanna help you do this! You don't have to be superwoman to have a natural birth, you can do this!

She told me she'd start the pitocin really low and only bump it up every 30 minutes until I reached a point where my labor could go on it's own. She said she'd do her best to make the pitocin mimic what an actual labor would be, not blast me full so I'd turn into the excorcist.

And at that moment, I fell in love with Nurse Gail :)

And so...

It began.

At about 10:00 am, I was hooked up and being pumped with pitocin.

The contractions didn't start for awhile. She pumped it up several times before I started to feel anything at all. I was busy texting and facebooking for some time before I started to feel even a tinge of cramping. I don't remember what time exactly they broke my water, but I'm thinking it was a couple hours after they started the Pit. Contractions didn't pick up TOO quickly after that like I thought they would, but they did start to become pretty annoying. I would lay with my head in the bed trying to relax and follow the Bradley Method like it taught...relaxing my entire body, trying to visualize the contractions and see them as discomfort...not pain.

Ugh...it wasn't fun.

My Lover was super supportive during the whole thing. He looked like this for most of the beginning though...
Eyes glued to the TV, drinking his Red Bull.
Candace was a dream because with all the fluids I was getting through my IV, I had to go pee about every 20-30 minutes. That's the bad part about natural birth...no catheter. I had looked forward to that catheter for 9 months. I know that sounds terrible, but I did. Ask my Lover. I hate getting up to go pee and unfortunately even during BAAD contractions...I still had to.
Blah.
Candace would sweetly unplug all my devices and unhook me from the bed, roll my IV over to the bathroom as she helped cover my bum from the world so I could go potty 5000 MILLION times that morning and afternoon.
Candace thought up the idea of having a birthing ball come in for me to use and it was such a good idea! I sat on the ball and swayed and bounced softly for about an hour or so. It was so relaxing and helped the contractions feel more weightless.


By about 3pm I was really in a lot of pain. I was off the ball at this point covered in warm blankets that Gail kept bringing in straight from the oven. I covered myself completely in them and tried to focus. I hung on for dear life trying to make it through each contractions, listening to Austin and Candace laugh and talk to try to keep my mind off the pain. As much as I wanted to know how far along I was, I didn't. I didn't want to be disappointed that I had only reached a 2 or 3 or 4 when I felt like I was at a 6 or 8. Despite my fear to ask, I called for Gail to check me. She had mentioned to Candace that she wouldn't check me during the entire thing unless I had asked...and now, I was asking. I had to know. Where was I? How much longer would I need to take this?

Gail came in around 4pm and did the check and to my GREAT dismay...
I was only a freakin FOUR.
WTC?
At that point I SERIOUSLY started to doubt my strength in handling the rest of this labor. I think Gail could tell from my face that I was frustrated so she quickly said,
"Just remember that the last half won't go near as slow as the first half, you can do this!"
What a wonderful woman right? Instead of saying...oh, well...do you want drugs now? Nope. She stood by me and helped me focus on my goal even when she could see me falling off the band wagon.
At this point, Candace decided she was going to get something to eat. She assumed she'd be there for several more hours since I was only a four and I encouraged her to go. I knew she was hungry and needed a break. She had planned to just get something downstairs so it'd be quick anyway.
Once she left the room...
I rolled over.
(Critical moment although at the time I had no clue what I had started by doing this).
And then...the world started to shake.
OH
MY
GOSH.
Immediately, my contractions turned from tolerable intense pain to...
OH MY FREAKIN GOSH I'M GONNA DIE, WHAT THE CRAP WAS I THINKING??!?!?!
I hung on to the side of the bed, resting my head on the rail as I "hummed" my way through each contraction which never seemed to end. It was like as soon as one started and stopped, another one was right behind it to kick my butt. I could barely catch my breath. That whole Bradley Method crap went out the window because at that point there was NO WAY IN HELL I could "relax my entire body". YEA FREAKIN RIGHT!
OVER and OVER they persisted which seemed like FOREVER.
My Lover was AMAZING at this point. When I'm in pain, I don't like to be touched or patted or rubbed or anything like that, I just want to be left alone and he stood by my bed in total silence (probably in utter fear by the way I was acting and humming) and left me ALONE. I think I held his hand maybe a few times but that's all I wanted and he knew that, without me telling him.

THEN,
The contractions changed. With the tail end of each one I felt the sensation to push. It was awesome. I mean, it didn't FEEL awesome, but it was awesome to see and experience how nature works. How your body naturally KNOWS what to do without anyone telling it. It was like I wasn't in control of my body anymore and it was in control of the labor. AMAZING. I'm getting teary just typing this because I've never experienced anything that amazing before. Right after my first push I looked up at Austin and told him to get Gail and tell her I needed to push, I was ready. Oblivious as I was, she was already in the room and had been for some time, just watching my contractions. She knew what was going on and she was already ready. They called the doctor at that point and started to roll me on to my back as they hoisted my legs up. I can't tell you how painful that was. I didn't wanna move at all, it hurt so bad. I wanted to stay balled up on my side. I looked at My Lover and told him to call Candace...this was it! Apparently he had already texted her but she didn't see the text because she was on the phone downstairs.
No Candace in sight and this was her only chance, I wasn't definitely wasn't gonna hold on!

Dr. Vogel came in as they finally uncurled my tense and shaking body to get my legs up and after the first BIG push, I started freaking out. I started saying I couldn't do this, I didn't wanna do this anymore, take it out of me!!!!! Honestly the whole room is a blur to me when I try to think back at how it all went. That is my ONE regret is that I think my eyes were closed during most of the end and I wish I had payed more attention to what was going on so I could of been more aware when August arrived.

My second push did it for me as I hummed through it and the nurse on my left said, "JESSICA, GRUNT!"...so I did and guess what?


Just 15 minutes after I had been checked as a 4,
This little guy just popped right out!
It was freaking AWESOME.
I can't even begin to describe the feeling of your baby leaving your belly and entering the world. It's like a big relief and you lose your breath as he comes out and your stomach literally collapses. It was like I could feel each little limb and shoulder and elbow slide right out of me. Something I'll NEVER be able to experience again. The pain immediately left my body as he came out and they laid his slippery little self on my chest, crying...both of us.
I had done it! I met my goal!

I'm not really sure at what point Candace came running in the room because like I said, it was all such a blur to me, but she got there in time to get some pretty cute pics of my little guy which I'll treasure for eternity and that means the world to me!

The placenta delivered smoothly and I didn't feel a thing with that.

I ended up tearing as usual with a 2nd degree whopper that required almost 10 stitches...OUCH. I didn't feel him stitching me up until about the last 3 or 4 that hurt pretty bad.

Recovery was super cool because I got up to go to the bathroom just a half hour after delivery!

That first night I was alone because my Lover had to go be with the kids and I sent my August guy to the nursery so I could catch up on some rest. Unfortunately, the whole night all I could think about was him so I didn't sleep TOO great and plus I had some super bad post labor cramping that needed extra attention.

Yea yea yea...so I did a natural birth and the post labor cramping was the thing that killed me. HEY, I said I wanted to do it natural once...not TWICE. Once I realized those Vicodin weren't taking care of the pain I didn't think twice about the morphine pill they gave me. It knocked me out for the rest of the night and I was feelin MY-T-FINE the next day :) Ready to love all over my newest Lowe man child!

And the rest is history!

Was it worth it?

YES. A MILLION times YES. I can never replace that moment no matter how hard I try. It will forever be such a treasure to me to know that I experienced natural childbirth. To know how it used to be done by ALL women. To know what every pain and sensation feels like. Nature is UHH-MAY-ZING.

Would I do it again?

Well first of all, NO because I'm not having any more babes...

BUT...if I WERE going to have more kids

(which I'm not because My Lover just got his referral to the urologist today!! woo hoo!!)

the answer would be...

HECK NO!

That freakin HURT!

A few links you might enjoy

Okay, first of all...contrary to popular belief,

I AM ALIVE

Barely...

I'm gearing up to post the birth story in all it's glory (and gory) details soon but for now, here are a few links I thought you might enjoy that relate to what has caused me to be distant.

Candace was my super fabulous photographer during my birth and she has posted her favorite pics from the birth on her blog HERE. Just scroll past the baby pics and the cute family. I'll show more later AND my sister will be making a slide show of the birth as well (as soon as she checks her stinkin mail).

My Dad took some video footage while he and my Mom visited the week we came home and he put it all together to make a little video of everyone enjoying their first taste of my August love. You can watch it HERE.

And FINALLY, Candace took some amazing pictures of August just yesterday and she ALREADY has her first preview of his photo session available to look at on her blog. She did super fabulous work as always! You can see my bundle of yummy HERE.

I think that's all for now. Don't write me off just yet. I just need some time to get back on my feet. I'm able to even write this much because my perfect Lover came home early and let me take a 3 hour tour (nap) today to catch up on some sleep. August, as sweet and precious as he is, doesn't enjoy sleeping at night. He's nocturnal. Not good for a mommy who has a 16 month old that is NOT nocturnal and needs a mommy during the day.

Oh well, life will soon be normal again. But for now, be patient. I'm getting there!

ps...This is serisouly the 2nd time in the last two weeks I've sat down at my computer to do ANYTHING so please don't be sad that I haven't visited your blogs or commented lately. I'm not going to lie, I haven't even been checking them but I WILL get caught up soon and be back to my outgoing self. I love you all for understanding!

The Birthing of a CENTURY...

probably not.. but at least of jessica's life. ha. This is lindsay, jessica's sister. I'm supposed to tell you all what happened in the delivery. I'm sure jessica will have more delicious details when she returns.. i just got the facts, people.....ahem.... presenting Reginald Wilmore Lowe.... no i 'm just joking...

presenting......

August Lyn Lowe

7 lbs 4 oz
19 inches long
and a sexy full head of hair.



jessica went through with her super woman plan of doing it drugless. she tried to get drugs at the last second because she wiener-ed out and realized how much pain she was REALLY in store for but it was too late...it was au naturale... and who should leave the room to get something to eat? Candace. HAH She left the room when jessica was dilated to a 4 and being the speed demon that she is, jessica was fully dilated within the next 15 minutes!!! crazy. Poor candace missed the whole thing. So much for some lovely va jay jay pictures. haha
(thanks candace :) )
Jessica was able to get him out in 2 1/2 pushes.... when it was all done.. she texted me and said she was a rock star. doing natural childbirth? you'd HAVE to be.

A Letter to my Doula...

Dear Candace,

As the big day quickly (not really, it's like slower than Christmas) approaches, I've been feeling the need to write you a love letter. Not because I'm in love with you, but because I DO care for you and all that you've done for my family (picture wise...I can never repay you) and I hope to keep you a friend after all is said and done on Saturday morning.

I'm assuming with me doing the whole natural birthing experience (except for the fact that I'll be pumped with pitocin which will make my contractions about 50 times WORSE) that I may be in SLIGHT pain for several hours. In my experience (watching over 500 various birthing shows DAILY) I have come to realize that being in INTENSE pain for several hours can, on occasion, cause one to act rash. SO rash, in fact, that they may say OR do things that are not normally of their nature.

I worry about this. A LOT.

Now, I know My Lover will be there, but I'm not so much concerned with what he sees and hears because he's quite forgiving. He better be.

But you, dear sweet Candace, have only seen one side of me up until this point. I worry that the vapid behaviour I normally carry with me will turn into one of MADNESS AND RAGE. I worry that there may be gnashing of teeth, pulling of hair and spewing of bodily fluids. As you can see, I expect the worst....BUT I hope for the best.

This letter is to warn you of what you may witness on Friday and to ask a simple request of you to NOT JUDGE ME. I really am a normal vapid person regardless of what you may see me turn into during my labor. Please try to remember the OLD Jessica and forget the scariness you may see that day.

Lastly, thank you again for doing this for our family. I can't wait to share it with you!

Loves,
Vapid Jessica

Normal VAPID Jessica

Laboring HIDEOUS Jessica

Mike's Farm Pumpkin Patch

Yesterday Summer and I went on a field trip with the little people to Mike's Farm. They are actually a tree farm for Christmas Trees and they have a HUGE Christmas shop there and restaurant. Mom, you'd love all the Santa stuff! During Halloween they have a Pumpkin Patch and Hayride so we thought...

What the hay!

(pun intended)

Let's take the kids!

Miah didn't wanna get off this tractor, he was in LOVE with it.

Penny was mesmerized by all the animals. Especially the dirty chickens and this vapid sheep (I love my new word I learned yesterday!) This sheep was seriously all about itself, flaunting it's fuzz all over the field.

Can you tell by their faces how much they loved the animals?

At the pumpkin patch we each got to pick one and take it home. Penny chose one the size of his head. It was perfectly round just like his own.

Miah wasn't too into the mud and dirt. He found a pumpkin quickly and then jumped back on the trailer to get out of the mud. He's such a clean freak.

The ride was super fun. I had hay sticking sharply in my butt and there was just enough rain in the air to make my hair fuzz up like the vapid sheep's. Penny was nervous at first but he soon warmed up. It was his favorite part of the whole day.

He felt so big sitting with all the bigger boys.

I sure love this man, look at those yummy hands!

The whole day was a success, even the hundreds of flies that ate the whites of our eyeballs (like the kids on TV in Africa) while we ate our lunches. Good times, good friends, good conversation!

The Long Awaited Birthday Recap!

The night before my birthday I had gone to bed before My Lover and for some reason, my mind does these crazy things to me. It imagines an entire scenario that I WANT My Lover to do and then of course, I'm always disappointed and mad because it didn't happen. I don't know why I do that. I expect him to read my mind or something.

Anyway

I went to bed early and my mind started to dream up this big plan that he was creating for me when I would wake up on my birthday. I imagined treats and love notes...the WHOLE shebang.

Well, half way through the night I got up to check the kitchen because I thought I smelled smoke and while up, I noticed that everything was the same. No notes, no treats, no special prizes. Only dirty dishes in the sink and crumbs on the table.

Whatever.

I almost couldn't get back to sleep I was so sad.

So in the morning, My Lover got up, got ready for work, and gave me a kiss goodbye.

"Happy Birthday Baby!"

He said.

And then he walked down the hall in his squeaky boots and I heard the door shut as he left.

I laid in my bed wide awake on my 31st birthday, already disappointed in myself for doing the same thing I do EVERY year. Expecting something grand.

I grabbed my phone and started checking emails until I realized that I hear those familiar squeaky boots coming closer to my door.

What's this?

I thought he had left, but he's here?

Then my door slowly opens and in walks My Sexy Lover holding a small plate with a single Eclair atop it with one candle, glowing in the dark room. A tiny cup of milk in my favorite glass in his other hand. And the best part? He sung to me :) A solo. A Happy Birthday solo in his manly cammies...just for me!

It was JUST what I needed to start my perfect day.

The 1st surprise of MANY to come!

I ate my donut in bed with Penny by my side who had woken up early just to be cuddly with me in the morning. My FAVORITE. He escaped midway through the donut and I let him wander the house. When it was time to finally get up, I walked into the kitchen to find the little Penny Guy with a BIG surprise of his own.

He had found the jackpot on the table and brought it down to his level to partake of sugary goodness!

Later that day I had planned to have lunch with three of my BFF's, Summer, Amber and Gia. They were going to take me someplace "fancy" as they kept calling it. Summer picked me up at noon and off we went to grab Gia on the way. She "wasn't ready" (or so she said) so we had to go in her house to wait for her and then...

SURPRISE!!!!!

You like my confused face?

I was completely and totally caught off guard and VERY embarrassed!!

Look how beautiful the girls decorated everything!!! And there was so much yummy food I could have eaten ALLLLL DAAAY.

Here's the lovely group of girls that greeted me as I walked in!

All in black of course to match me :)

Priscilla, Isis, Summer, ME, Amber with baby Evan and Jill.
Do you like how LOW(e) my baby is, about to fall out of my hoohaw?

And one more group shot with Jill taking it so Miss Gia could be shown as well!

Isn't she a precious with that wild hair?

My beautimous gift table.

We ate lots of food first and then we sat down to open gifts.

The one from Gia and Jill was perfect, but the bag and Peacock "plume" was the best part of it! They totally "Summer-fied" that present!

Amber made this amazing diaper cake!! Isn't it awesome? Who knew she was so talented with all her misspelled words!? I don't wanna take it apart it's so cute!

She also got me a silhouette picture from one of our favorite antique shops!

I love these things!

And then a HUGE basket of goodies.

One of the fun things in the bag were the clothes that Stephanie made for baby A. It was all aquatic themed with squids and submarines. SOO cute. The little squid pants were my favorite and I'll have to get a picture of those to show you later.

Then Steph threw in a little surprise which is

TO DIE FOR!

A sweater with a smokin terd on it!

Don't be jealous...I know you are!

When presents were over, they said they had one more SMALL gift and a card so I sat waiting and Amber walked to the back of the house.

THEN.

She comes down the hall pushing...

MY FREAKING PHIL AND TEDS STROLLER!!!!!

WTC?!?!
I was BLOWN away showing a WIDE range of emotions...

Stunned

Hysterical

Dumbfounded

Disbelief

Touched

Starting to get teary

Un-deserving

And SUPER red faced!

Turns out, these hoochie friends of mine had been scheming for a MONTH and raising money from all my friends across the country to pay for this stroller.

As I read the names on the card my heart filled with happiness.

How lucky am I to have such wonderful and caring BFF's?

It only took us about three house and 7 girls to finally figure out how to put the toddler seat on top and the bassinet on bottom.

But when it was all done I was ready to ROLL!!

As if that wasn't enough, we still had yummy cake to eat made by the fabulous cake maker,

Summer Sister.

We sang, I wished...

And then we ATE!

MMmmMMmmMMmMMmmm!

Thank you Jilly for taking all these beautiful pictures!

I'm so glad I stalked Gia so I could become friends with these two cuties!

Thank you Summer for my lovely cake and all the hard work you did in arranging things!

My precious Amber, thank YOU for being so sweet and for all the MILLIONS of gifts you gave to me. Thank you for scheming behind my back and being fishy for the last month (and not in the smelly way...but that too.) You are AMAZING.

Thank you Gia for allowing your hair to be untamed and swallow me whole as I hugged you.

And of course,

THANK YOU to ALLLL the friends and family who pitched in and helped purchase the stroller. YOU

ARE

THE

BEST!

I love you all and wish that I could hug each and every one of you right now!

When I got home I had even more surpises from My Lover.

He had ordered me a cake but made the mistake of doing it over the phone only to find out that the cake he had purchased must have been made for someone's grandma.

Isn't it granny?

He was so embarrassed.

But I loved it all the same :)

Granny roses and all.

And what good is a granny cake without a granny boquet of flowers?

Poor Poor Lover, he tries so hard sometimes.

I sure love him for it.

At the end of the day I made my rounds by calling all of my peeps and thanking them for their love. While I was cozy in my bed on the phone, Penny was making ONE more birthday surprise for Mommy...

I LOVE YOU FRIENDS!

I can't wait to pay you all back!

MY Day

Today is my birthday.

I'm 31.

I can't wait to tell you how awesome it was!

Stay tuned!

OB Update and a fun picture!

I don't really have anything special to say about this picture, I just liked the way it looked this morning as I made the lunches and I thought to myself, I bet the rest of the WORLD would like to see what mornings are like for me as I prepare all the grub.

I don't usually make a lunch for Penny unless I know we'll be out during lunch time and I don't wanna listen to him scream and then have to buy him nasty nuggets or something.

Miah's PreK doesn't eat lunch there since he's a morning class guy but he likes me to make his lunch and have it in the fridge for him when he gets home so he can just grab it. I think it makes him feel big.

And yes, I cut Koko, Miah and Penny's sandwiches EVERY day in special shapes.

Because I love it.

And I know they do too :)

(Jake's too embarrassed to bring dinosaur sandwiches to lunch...who knew?!)

So I had my 37 week check up today and it went something like this...

(keep in mind I had Penny with me to help plead my case of insanity)

DOCTOR:

(opens door with a smile and cheery voice)

How are you?!!??!!

ME:

(immediately starts to cry uncontrollably, an ugly cry, lip shaking, face red, neck blotchy, Penny's crying, grabbing for me, I'm half naked, too weak to pick him up from the table, I'm apologizing, Penny is going crazy because the Doctor had to pick him up to help, my paper sheet that covers my nudity rips in half, crotch exposed, I'm crying more now, fumbling for some coverage, tears are wetting my shirt, Penny is trying to pull my face off in total hysteria, Doctor is trying to help but just making things worse, and then I finally open my mouth...)

I'M NOT GOOD!!!!

I think she decided right then and there that I was a wreck.

She insisted I start my Zoloft TODAY.

Not tomorrow.

Not when the baby gets here.

Not when I start to feel PPD,

TO-
DAY.

(Did I tell you last week I was a wreck too and the doc prescribed Zoloft for me to have "just in case" after the baby was born?)

I guess I needed it a little sooner than planned.

***

She also decided I needed an end in sight to help with my depression.

She scheduled the induction for the 16th.

It's not the 13th but I still love it already.

The 1st is My Lover

The 6th is Me.

Put them together...

and you get baby A!!!

Oh and I'm changing my counter to reflect the induction.

Cuz I don't wanna look at more days than I have to.

***

I gained 3 lbs in ONE WEEK ppl.

Thanks "friends" for the treats.

Turns out my sister was right about you. You just wanted to fatten me up.

***

I have protein and ketones in my urine AGAIN.

They think it might be an infection.

As if I'm not already diseased enough, right?

***

I told her about my pubic pressure and she assured me it's normal and gets worse with every kid I have. Then she checked me and realized that baby A's head is practically HANGING out of me.

Okay not really hanging out, but almost.

She said if I were to feel down there, I could feel his head easily.

Cervix is still closed but she said I should try to stay laying down as much as possible to avoid the baby's head getting any lower and causing more pressure.

She said my labor will be super quick since he doesn't have far to go.

Uhmm...haven't I been telling them that for WEEKS?!

HELLO?!?!

So Lydianne, I read that article you linked and

OH MY GOSH

That is my pain to a T.

I'm gonna try the suggestion.

If My Lover won't dilate me, maybe he'll "wishbone" me!

THANK YOU!

***

As I got dressed to leave the room, I looked at my frazzled face in the mirror.

HEE-DEE-OUS!

No wonder she felt sorry for me.

I am FALLING APART mentally and physically.

I'm so glad this is almost over...

FOREVER.

***

PS...I reread my post from yesterday and

OH MY GOSH!!

Why didn't anyone tell me I sound like a freakin DRUNK?
Everything was spelled wrong.

Parenthesis? WTC was I smokin? Thanks Bonnie for pointing that out.

I think my brain is officially mashed potatoes.

Please don't judge me.

Junk....oh and Happy Birthday PUNK.

1. Today happens to be the 1st day of the greatest most amazing month of the entire year. I've come to realize that those whose birthdays fall in this month, like to claim the ENTIRE month as their birth"month" instead of just DAY. I being one of them because it is JUST that awesome.

Speaking of birthdays My Lover seems to be having another one of those today celebrating 33 big 'ole fat ones. Last night we had "a falling out" and even with hatred in my heart (not really hatred, just annoyance and sadness...there's always sadness these days) I was still able to make some special surprises for him when he awoke. I wrote sweet signs and placed them all over the house leading him to the fridge where delicious chocolate covered strawberry sugary goodness lie awaiting his taste buds. I sat in the dark making these signs as I cried my eyes out. No worries though, I cry over everything these days. Including the morning that I brushed my hair when it had tangles...so I cried. And obviously my brain function is running low as I spelled the work "smooch" wrong. Don't judge. Funny thing about when you write all those big fancy letters, they seem to fall in the wrong place. Odd. Oh wait, Penny ate that sign so you can't see it anyway. Good.

2. So My Lover didn't feel the need to inform his fellow co-workers about his special day. Instead, I was able to do the honors when I brought them all yummy treats to share. Just like you do when you bring cupcakes to the PreK class. Yep :) Except the ones I brought weren't half eaten like these.

3. I was PLANNING on making him some yummy dinner tonight but then something happened. My crotch bone started freaking out and putting me in so much pain where I wasn't able to stand for a long time. Sooo...yea. I'm not making dinner. But he knows I would have! Happy Birthday Lover 'O' Mine.

4. So with Miah's PreK, every now and then he comes home with a homework project to complete. Funny thing about those homework projects, she labels them "family work". More like...MOM work. So when Miah told me wanted to dress his doll as a Marine, I got to work on cutting out camo clothes and accessories for him to glue on. I think I did a pretty good job, don't you? I mean, HE...yea...he?

5. When I was blow drying my hair this morning I electrocuted my finger when I tried to unplug the dryer. Crazy right? It was weird cuz I had a feeling I was gonna get electrocuted from the beginning. I kept looking at Penny in the tub next to me feeling nervous and had no idea it was gonna actually happen to ME, not him. That's besides the point though. While blowing it, my brush flew from the clasp of my paws and into the tub. When I fetched it out I stood there with it dripping in my hands and decided...I need a new brush. This may be the source of my GBS from the looks of it.

6. Nothing to say here except total CUTENESS!! Nothing like having a free-baller on his Dad's back while he surfs the web. No, My Lover doesn't just wear white trash cut off T's...he just got back from running.

7. Today Miah tells me, "Mom? Did you know that the word Bee, starts with an 'M'?" Uhmm, maybe that PreK isn't getting through to him.

8. Jake started football yesterday and looks PRECIOUS in his "jersey". I parenthesize (is that a word or did I just make that up because that's a good one if I did) that because I like to call it a "costume" or "outfit" but every time I do, I'm shunned by the Lover.

9. After TWO MONTHS or paying double rent, our house FINALLY got rented out for October. Ahhh, talk about RELIEF. I was about to jump on at amateur night at Driftwood this month. Thankfully I won't have to now. So we don't have to pay for October, get our deposit back, AND NEVER HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THAT HOUSE AGAIN!!!! WOOOOO HOOOOO.

10. "I hate orphans! I HATE all the orphans in the world!" -Steven from Nacho Libre

A Day of Treats

ADDENDUM:

So it's 7:30pm and I'm sitting here CRAVING a coke. I can't get out cuz my Penny is asleep and my Lover isn't home. I put a status on my Facebook saying that I'm DYING for a coke right now and guess what?

Lo and Behold sweet Jilly pulls up with not one...

BUT THREE of these babies!!!!!

THANK YOU JILL!!!

Yesterday I was seriously craving something super yummy so I quickly whipped up a batch of Gorilla Poops and devoured almost all of them myself.

Today I WANTED yummy treats, but didn't have to work NEARLY as hard because all the treats came to ME.

First my Summer Sister came by and brought me one of these heavenly delights for lunch.

Then my sweet Priscilla came 'a' knockin with a delicious afternoon snack.

Then as if it couldn't get any better, it DID. I took a short afternoon nap and was woken by Jake who brought a package in from the mail. Inside I find all these pieces of sugary goodness from my sweet Dena all the way from Texas!!!

As you can see, my friends are determined to break my TWO WEEK STREAK of not gaining any weight at the doctor. Yes that's right my friends. I may have put on 40 lbs in the first 8 months, but this 9th month I'm leaning OUT. BooYAH (as the Sunflower would say).

Thank you sweet girls o mine!
OH
and if you weren't able to get YOUR special treat to me today, you still have time.
I'll be here for...
EVER.
CAN'T WAIT!!!

The Scarlet Letter

So I had an OB appointment on Friday which went okay.

Well not really okay at all. Just annoying.

ME: My hands are tingling all the time and they ACHE. Especially at night.

DOCTOR: That's pregnancy induced carpal tunnel. It won't go away until you lose all your water weight and swelling. Get used to it.

ME: My pubic bone is KILLING me. Like some days I can't even get up to walk.

DOCTOR: That's your pubic bone shifting. It won't go away until you have your baby.

Get used to it.

ME: I really wanna have my baby on the 13th, will you induce me that early?

DOCTOR: Uhmm. No. Sorry. No sooner than 39 weeks. Unless you have BlahBlidlyBlah (some crazy disease) or if you have fast labors and you're dilated pretty far when you come in for an exam.

ME: OH OH that's me!!! I have fast labors!!

DOCTOR: Okay, so dilate or find "someone" to dilate you. *wink* *wink*

ME: Hmm...I guess I'll be pregnant till I'm 39 weeks.

DOCTOR: OH one more thing. As if this appointment wasn't as disappointing as it could be. Your Group Beta Strep Test came back Positive.

ME: Nice.

DOCTOR: (handing me a poster sized neon orange sign) You need to take THIS to the hospital when you go so they will give you meds to protect your baby from your HEE-DEE-OUS disease.

ME: WHAT?!?!? I can't bring this to the hospital!! I mean I know being GBS positive isn't THAT big of a deal but I don't really wanna walk around wearing the scarlet letter so EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG knows I have bacteria growing in my yoo hoo!!!

(okay so it's not really poster sized, but still)

I told Austin that since he hasn't had to go through all this crap AND he won't "dilate" me...

HE has to wear the poster sized neon orange sign.

I'm gonna tie yarn on it and make him wear it on his neck.

Or should I make a new one saying...

"My wife is GBS positive and I still have to sleep next to her at night.

Please give ME antibiotic therapy."

A Trip to the Aquarium...in pictures

The kids were off school today for some teacher inservice stuff I think so I decided it would be fun if I took the kids to the aquarium. YAY for fun ideas! I figured it had been awhile since I took the kids ANYWHERE and before long it would be more of a task to get done...why not today!

So OFF to Pine Knoll Shores Aquarium it was!

I entered the address in my trusty, never faileth me, 10 yr Anniversary gift, iPhone and our path was set! Easy enough...you're the BLUE dot, follow the purple line to the RED dot.

SIMPLE.

So it tells me to head South to Wilmington. We of course pass the famous fence with all the welcome home signs on our way out. Always a good read. Some are so heartfelt, some so "unique". But ALWAYS a good read.

Everyone was getting hungry so we stopped for some food at nasty Hardees because...
That's all there is.
And funny enough, I had a strong feeling I needed to check my directions.
Keep in mind we've been traveling for at least 40 minutes in this direction. We should be just about there!
I re-entered my destination address and to my surprise...
My trusty iPhone had failed me.
THIS time it points me going NORTH.
WHAT?
Ugh. Dangit. I've just been driving for 40 minutes in the wrong direction.
NOW, keep in mind that I could have continued this direction for another 45-1 hour and found ANOTHER aquarium, but we had our hearts set on Pine Knoll Shores.
So what do we do?

We turn around.

40 MORE minutes to get back to our starting position.

Thank you iPhone.

BACK passed the fence of signs.

Now THERE'S a good one.

Told you it's always a good read.

Once we hit our original starting point, we still had about an hour to go and everyone was restless, especially Penny.

So we stop for 4 of these to keep our spirits up.

3 chocolate, 1 vanilla.

By now the kids are doubting that we're really going ANYWHERE.

Although the ride was long it was fun. There was lots to look at, great beachy scenery and fun stores to drool over and wish I could go into. As much as I wanted to pull over every 10 minutes and leave my kids in a hot car so I could shop...I refrained. Nothing worse than melty kids.

What was GREAT was that you guys never told me so many of you are famous! I saw SOOO many places named after my lovely bloggers.

Paddy's Pub

Melissa, don't you think he's a bit juvenile to already have a pub named after him?

Amber and her clan were super famous that day. Not one, but TWO places named after her family.

Willis Seafood

And then my favorite,

Cap'n Willis Seafood Market

Okay, first of all what's with all the seafood? Or do I WANT to know?

Second, so Matt got promoted? TWICE? And you never told me??

And this is gonna blow you away! They even had a hotel named after Gia.

Clam Digger Inn

The nicest surprise in the whole vacation world? I don't think I like surprises.

After almost TWO HOURS of enjoyable scenic driving, we FINALLY get to the aquarium!

We did all the normal stuff. Forgive me Hee-Dee-Ous pictures. If you don't like them, my birthday is in a couple weeks and you can send me a new coolpix camera.

Thanks.

Kora wanted a picture with her head in the jaws of an alligator.

Funny how I usually feel like putting her head in MY jaws on most of her PMS days.

They had some MEGA HUGE sand tiger sharks and we got there 5 minutes before the divers got in the tank with them. It was awesome! The kids were totally crazy about this one!

We got to "pet" as Kora put it, the Horseshoe Crab.

And we while at an exhibit, this one fish fell in love with Kora and wouldn't leave the glass for a minute. It just kept staring at her.

Miah's favorite were the albino bullfrogs. He said they were "peach" like me. Thanks Miah. I know I'm pale and pasty but ALBINO?

Penny loved the turtles and kept his hand on the glass the whole time we watched them dive and swim and sunbathe. He was in love.

Before we left I made the kids do all the typical poses.

One on the turtle that was seriously hot from the sun and even after putting my sweater on it for Penny to sit, he kept saying, "Ha, Ha" because his thighs were melting.

And then of course the "stand inside the jaws and make a scary face!!" picture.

Why do mother's do this crap? How annoying am I?

The top TWO favorites of the day were "petting" the stingrays. Kora didn't wanna leave this one. She was scared to death at first and then after she got comfortable I couldn't peel her away from them.

AND

Digging for money in the fish display out front.

NO, I AM white trash, but not white trash enough to let me kids KEEP the money. Don't worry. They threw it back in.

But not Penny. He just ate it.

Once we were done I knew the ride home would be tough so I stopped at a gas station to get cold "DRANKS" for all of us. Mmmmm Orange Sunkist!!

And then a yummy snack to go with it.

Corn Nuts.

Okay maybe I AM that white trash.

The day turned out SUPREME! GRAND supreme (I learned that from Toddlers and Tiaras). As much as I contemplated just calling it a day once we found out we had gone the wrong direction, I'm glad I didn't.

The kids all came home with a prize to fit their personalities.

Shark teeth for Jake and a shark tooth postcard to study.

A Sting Ray stuffed animal for Kora since she loved them SO much.

She named this one "Rose Mary Totter".

Yea...I don't know...

And binoculars for the little Explorer Miah.

With his one creepy glove.

As usual.

Tomorrow it's back to school to finish the week off but I'm sure they'll ALL have fun stories to tell their teachers thanks to our super fly day!

AND the winner is...

Why do I do this to myself? I can't pick winners. I loved ALL my comments. They all made me at LEAST smile. Some made me gag, others made me feel uncomfortable but I'm sure I smiled during reading all of them. Sure of it.

The WINNER of my "make me smile" contest THIS time (because I loved it so much there WILL be more. And speaking of which, are you saving pictures of roadkill you see for my annual roadkill contest in April?) is...

LAURA!

Who's comment reads:

"You should go get your hair dyed at the same place that did Kempys to match your Elvira themed black wardrobe and overflowing elvira bosoms. And please tell me those are child sized goggles or something and your head is not just retaining water..."

She wins a lovely pair of THESE ladies to place elegantly on her dining table when entertaining fancy guests. I know she'll love them. I chose them since everyone loves MY set soooo much. You should have them out the next time you invite the bishop over for dinner.

Now many of you and your fun jokes made me smile. Don't feel down on yourself since you didn't win...I LOVED them all.

I peacock!

EXCEPT,

ONE comment in particular I DID NOT love so much which was...

Gia's.

Nooo, I'm not gonna paste it here. It's nasty enough ONE time. Go back and read it if you're curious.

I figured that one cannot have such a nasty pot mouth without being recognized for it.

THEREFORE, I present this trophy to my lovely Gia for having the MOST disgusting sense of humor. And I thought 'I' was "hee-dee-ous". No. Noooo Noooo.

It's Gia.

Congratulations you sicko.

Now, clean it up woman.

You're Lover is coming home soon and he doesn't wanna have a potty after taste in his mouth after he makes out with you for the first time in 7 months. Let this trophy (which will arrive in the mail soon at your doorstep) be a reminder to you to stay fresh and clean :)

The rest of you hoochies I thank for participating!

Blurred and Out of Focus

If you've been following my Facebook Status you'll know that the past few days have left me a little depressed, grouchy and sad. I'm feeling the effects of what the last month of pregnancy kindly offers us women.

Kora took this picture of my acting silly for Penny and at first glance I said to her,

"Oh nice...I look hee-dee-ous (nacho libre)"

But then I looked at the picture again and realized that it describes me to a T right now.

Blurred

Out of Focus

Lopsided

In Disguise

Falling Apart

oh

And Black.

Don't leave me a comment that says any of the following:

"You look great!"

"You're almost done, just hang in there!"

"I know how you feel but the reward is worth it!"

Or any other CRAP like that.

Let me whine. I don't do it often (except to My Lover who hears it daily but that's because that's what he's there for).

Instead, I want you to leave me a comment that will make me laugh.

A Joke?

A Funny Memory?

A Slam to my Self-Esteem?

The Funniest comment wins a prize, judged by myself and my Lover.

A GOOD one at that.
You WON'T be disappointed!

NOW CHEER ME UP FOOOOOOLS!